I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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