um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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