hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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