I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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