i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
