At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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