im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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