I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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