i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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