Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
