new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
