She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
