I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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