i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
