yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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