For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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