the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
