Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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