I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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