Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
