TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
