Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
