I cut my penus on the lid.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
