I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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