you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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