Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
You left your phone here
Wait...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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