I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
