I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The beer is more important than you right now.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
