if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize