My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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