Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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