my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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