All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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