very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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