I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I believe in your delicious
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
