I'm so fucking centered right now
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
