I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize
