so that wasnt chicken after all
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
