You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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