Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
