I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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