I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
