If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
