I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
