I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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