The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
