Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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