Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
