today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
