I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
