yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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