It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
