apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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