I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
