if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I will die if light touches me.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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