Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
